it's been a while since i posted here, kiddo. that's because you're keeping me a lot busier these days. always on the go, discovering new things...it's exhausting. but, it's also pretty exciting. i'm seeing the world for the first time again, through your eyes. things i used to take for granted are all of a sudden given new life and meaning as you point them out and explain to me, in your own little english-toddlerese language, why they're so noteworthy. i'm trying to teach you, but i'm learning so much from you, too. i reckon we really are in this together now, huh...
so i was doing some thinking today. life is funny, as you'll find out someday. every day, we are presented with countless choices, and sometimes even the seemingly smallest thing can cause drastic waves in the course our lives take. i think back on my life, all the things that could've happened, and it just amazes me that everything lined up the way it should for you to be born. what if i'd been able to stay in the army? what if i'd decided to go to carolina instead of wcu? either of those would've practically guaranteed that i would never meet your daddy. even the fact that i have PCOS (i'll explain that condition to you someday)...all those eggs i produced that never made it to where they needed to be, but then one came along that did, and there you were. and i can sit and speculate all day on how different my life would be if i had made different choices, or if different conditions were in play, and whether i would like the person i would otherwise be, whether i'd be happy with the life i was otherwise living. but it doesn't matter. i'll never know what lay down those roads, and i don't care. i'm so happy here, and now, with your daddy, and especially with you. even when i'm angry or frustrated, i wouldn't change what i have now for anything. someday, i hope that you find this much happiness. <3
